He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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