The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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