Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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