I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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