he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize