my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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