Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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