I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
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We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
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He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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