I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
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Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
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I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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