Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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