Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
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She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
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