So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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