In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize