Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
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You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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