More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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