if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize