Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize