If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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