And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
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No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
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And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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