Texts From Last Night

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  (812): View more from Indiana

  apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"

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  (812): apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight" http://tfl.nu/9yyv
  Replies (36) Good night (6980) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
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  (936): View more from Texas

  im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...

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  (936): im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses... http://tfl.nu/w5rv
  Replies (6) Good night (3593) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
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  (432): View more from Texas

  Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.

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  (432): Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite. http://tfl.nu/cdg2
  Replies (49) Good night (7027) Bad night (1559) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight

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  (703): Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight http://tfl.nu/2em9
  Replies (20) Good night (13783) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.

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  (573): I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator. http://tfl.nu/5d16
  Replies (31) Good night (1045) Bad night (3739) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.

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  (203): no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet. http://tfl.nu/q394
  Replies (18) Good night (1161) Bad night (6390) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  she peed on how many people?

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  (619): she peed on how many people? http://tfl.nu/sqm0
  Replies (23) Good night (1854) Bad night (5743) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".

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  (516): i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed". http://tfl.nu/0nax
  Replies (40) Good night (994) Bad night (5152) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.

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  (859): I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat. http://tfl.nu/m2ko
  Replies (9) Good night (5068) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  There are paw prints all over my ceiling.

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  (303): There are paw prints all over my ceiling. http://tfl.nu/gg63
  Replies (12) Good night (3387) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week

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  (603): there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week http://tfl.nu/fflq
  Replies (5) Good night (3019) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment

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  (256): Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment http://tfl.nu/eim1
  Replies (20) Good night (2756) Bad night (1110) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.

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  (773): You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud. http://tfl.nu/imj6
  Replies (6) Good night (1536) Bad night (293) Order T-Shirt
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.

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  (320): he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please. http://tfl.nu/ca04
  Replies (9) Good night (341) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety

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  (401): I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety http://tfl.nu/pik8
  Replies (2) Good night (734) Bad night (260) Order T-Shirt

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