Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
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