and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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