Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I deserve this hangover.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize