Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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