it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
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I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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