Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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