just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
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Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
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on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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