if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize