When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Pooping to opera.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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