Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
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...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
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It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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