I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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