Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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