so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
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As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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