I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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