I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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