Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
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I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
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He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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