Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
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you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
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Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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