I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
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It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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