i just sent this text using only my big toe
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on a roof
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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