My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize