i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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