He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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