It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize