You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
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Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
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Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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