I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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