She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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