I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize