I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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