laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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