I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
You took a bar mat shot.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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