What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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